Craft Bastards

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Brewery : Farnham
Beer : Scotch Ale
Style : Scotch Ale / Wee Heavy
Variance : None

8.5 / 10

We live in a seriously fucked up and scary world. I know what you might be thinking but I assure you I am not talking about terrorism, politics, global warming (it’s real bitches), the increase in open racism, and the inevitable nuclear war that will end our species as we know it, I’m talking about dairy. That’s right, dairy. It’s terrifying to me that companies actually need to put on their ice cream and whipped cream that “no growth hormones were used” because now it makes me think that every other ice cream without that has the hormones in it and that’s why all these teenage girls have mutant DD boobies. Regardless of what scares the shit out of you on a daily basis, it’s beers like this that help you get through the day with it’s delicious flavors. Also, I’m sorry you had to go through that little rant with me readers and Farnham but I assure you, if you had this beer in your hand it would have been a little easier to digest. The best way to describe this beer would be if you imagined yourself walking through a beautiful wooded forest and you stumble upon a mattress-soft bed of luscious moss and instead of laying on it you decide to drizzle caramel all over and just stuff your face with fist-fulls of it over and over again. I’m not sure if that sounds like a good thing or not but I assure you it is. This is sadly my final beer from Farnham but basically any style they take on they own so I’d highly recommend seeking out their lineup ASAP. If you are a fan of the style or unique brews make sure you pick this up and taste it’s mossy goodness for yourself because it’s definitely a keeper. Rookies, maybe start elsewhere before tasting this because you might not be ready for this yet but eventually you’ll sprout your wings and be ready to taste this brew you little butterflies you. Cheers!

Written by: Steve B.

Brewery : Goodcity
Beer : Reward
Style : Double IPA / DIPA / Imperial IPA
Variance : None

8.5 / 10

Ok Goodcity, “Reward” is a bit of a fucking understatement don’t you think? This beer is a down right treasure that doesn’t have to be dug up or discovered, it just has to be tasted. Goodcity shot me out some delicious brews and I couldn’t be happier because their slogan is “Seek The Good” and since technically the good sought me out, I basically win all around. That’s right you losers, I win! If it makes you feel better, if you pick this up even if you have to seek it out yourself you’ll be a winner too so keep that chin up ya big baby. A huge mango and passion fruit flavor starts things off with a candy-like sweetness before some more tropical fruits mix in towards the middle with burst of orange juice and hops before ending with more sweetness and mango to make this one incredibly smooth DIPA. Probably the most impressive thing about this beer is that the 8.5% ABV is more hidden than the dick tucked between the legs of the women Jim Norton sleeps with (I love him) which is awesome because I could probably drink 3 more crowlers of this with ease. For my first beer in these folk’s lineup I must say that the is an awesome first impression and honestly I can’t wait to dive in to the 6 pack they sent out because if it’s even close to as good as this, I’ll be happier than a strap on at a lesbian orgy. Anyways, if you live anywhere near this brewery or have ever considered traveling out to Wisconsin for some strange reason, make sure you check these guys out because this beer alone should be the only reason you need so get your asses moving! For first timers this is absolutely perfect because there is hardly any bitterness or acidity to this beer so it could be your perfect stepping stone to level 2 in the IPA game of life. As for you pros, get out there and pick this up immediately because it’s worth your time and taste buds, trust me.

Written by: Steve B.

Brewery : Buregon Beer Co.
Beer : Everybody’s Juicin’
Style : IPA / India Pale Ale
Variance : None

9 / 10

God damn Burgeon! This beer comes from these guy’s very first can release along with one other I’ll be reviewing but DAMN! This is one hell of a way to kick off your brewery’s canning program because this beer is fucking bonkers good. What I like even more about it is that somebody finally had the cajones to make a tribute beer to the entire Russian Olympic team, Lance Armstrong, pretty much any baseball player to break the homerun record, half of the WWE, and Sylvester Stallone. I’m talking about steroids. I love feeling that snake venom travel through my veins while I’m pumping iron so I can end up looking like one giant mass of muscle with no neck, balls, or personality because it makes me feel like a fucking greek god. I’m just kidding of course because I’m a huge pussy and would never give myself a needle or do steroids but I am more than fine with “juicin” with this beer instead. A super fucking soft mouthfeel with plenty of tropical fruits and sweetness start things off before some bitterness and acidity mix in reminding you exactly what style you are currently drinking before some white grape juice, melon, and some citrusy goodness wraps things up. I couldn’t be more impressed with this beer and if you get the chance to taste this regardless of your drinking level I would highly urge you to take the opportunity because it kicks so much ass. Cheers!

Written by: Steve B.

PS - This review was written in 2017

Brewery : Pulpit Rock / Alluvial
Beer : Whippy DIP-AH
Style : Double IPA / Imperial IPA / DIPA
Variance : None

9 / 10

I’ll tell you what, nothing quite puts a smile on my face like putting on my safari gear, heading out into the wilderness, and discovering new breweries that are creating some bomb ass beers. Now by safari gear I mean camo shorts and a brewery t-shirt, by wilderness I mean the vastness of the internet, and by new breweries I mean Pulpit Rock because this beer is crazy good. These guys teamed up with Alluvial Brewing to create this “whippy” imperial IPA and if you aren’t aware of what whippy means, it’s what all the cool kids are saying today to describe things that are awesome or radical. I’m kidding of course because I’ve never heard any kid describe anything as “whippy” but that really is one of the definitions so suck it. Besides that, Mr. Whippy is also an ice cream truck company which I’m also down for because I would love nothing more than to drive an ice cream truck around blasting music from the 30’s while selling this beer to all the local adults who were able to get money from mommy before chasing me down. An acidic and citrus flavor starts this off before some tropical fruit and mango mix in with a hefty bitterness while still staying super smooth before ending with a more abrasive bitterness with a huge resin and pine flavor with a hint of citrus to close. If you are looking for a new brewery to take you away from the 10 or so major haze creators that blanket social media daily, make sure you check these guys out because this beer is fucking awesome and it really deserves to be poured down your throat. If you are a DIPA pro or just a lover of great beer, pick this up because it is flavorful as hell and can hang with the best of them. For you newcomers to the style, come back to this a little later because it’s going to be a bit much for you but it’s definitely worth the work. Enjoy!

Written by: Steve B.

Brewery : Rahr & Sons
Beer : Dadgum IPA
Style : IPA / India Pale Ale
Variance : None

8.5 / 10

Well yeee hawwww this here is one dadgum good IPA I tell you what. I reckon that this here IPA is bursting with that there dadgum flavor that has all the youngsters losing their dadgum minds. For some reason I can’t help but imagine some haggard ass prospector in old ripped up clothes and a long gray beard with less teeth than Turtle Man saying those first two sentences because that’s just what I picture every old man in the south looking like. I’m sure every southerner probably pictures us up north wearing skinny jeans with messenger bags and fedoras with suspenders and button down plaid shirts which isn’t 100% correct but close enough just like I’m sure every old racist southerner doesn’t look like what I imagine but I’m probably pretty dadgum close. For my first beer from Rahr & Sons I am already a fan because this is another one of those beers that proves that haze isn’t necessarily always better and clear beers can still pack as much flavor as any murky brew. A nice mix of orange and floral hops start things off before some oniony hops mix in dankening (is that a word?) things up with some citrus pops here and there before ending with some pine and grapefruit flavors to finish the job. Once again my only real critique of this beer is that it only comes in a 12oz can which is fucking ridiculous. IT’S 2018 RAHR & SONS! UPGRADE TO 16OZ-ERS! That’s all. If you are new to the style I would not recommend starting with this because there is a lot of serious flavors going on that might hurt your wittle dadgum tastebuds. As for you pros, there are no fucking excuses as to why you haven’t tasted this or picked it up yet unless of course they don’t distribute near you which I guess would be one valid excuse.

Written by: Steve B.